(Sigh) Did,- did we need ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story‘? Seriously, did we? So, funny story — the day I ended up watching this was the day I happen to run into a very fun short animation piece online, where an angry Death Star architect goes into a rant about how he shouldn’t be blamed for the Death Star being destroyed by Luke Skywalker and how his design was flawless, except for the fact that, I think the term was, Magic Space Wizards or something like that, were around. Here was the original post (via College Humor), it’s really funny.
Anyway, spoilers, coincidence, this is the film that explains how the Death Star was able to be destroyed by one shot from Luke. (Long thinking pause) I think I liked it better when the answer was Magic Space Wizards.
Anway, look–I’m not a ‘Star Wars‘ guy; I think I’ve mentioned that before, but, of the five ‘Star Wars‘ films I’ve seen until this one, I still have to get to ‘Star Wars: Attack of the Clones‘ and-um, um, the other prequel one, not ‘Star Wars: The Phantom Menace‘, the other-, I really do not remember the name, nor do I want to look it up, but, I thought those were all good movies. I didn’t hate any of them, not even ‘Star Wars: The Phantom Menace’ really, there’s quite a lot of good there, and while I don’t like Jar Jar Binks, I can’t say he’s as annoying as other characters I can think of, but this one…, it’s not that I don’t like it, I don’t know why it exists. I mean, sure, it’s a spinoff movie, that’s in the Universe that’s not apart of the main universe-,
Okay f**k this! Seriously if you have to go that detailed in explaining the damn thing, then maybe it’s not something that needs to be told. Look, I don’t like the MCU; I don’t think it’s transformative cinema or whatever bulls**t like some people are trying to claim it is, or that it’s doing something spectacular with this universe building, blah, blah, blah, television had been doing that crossover stuff for years, and it dates back in all literature long before comic books, and film is by far the worst medium to try it in, much less, using several medias in collusion with film and frankly, even half the good films in that universe, I can take or leave wihout ever thinking about them again. However, there isn’t any movie so far in that universe, that isn’t at least, apart of the universe. They’re all stories of important characters, having major feature-length struggles and the many ways they have to go about solving their major problems of the movie.
‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story‘ isn’t one of those stories. This is, essentially, a separate tale entirely that, if this were a novel form, would be, in the Postface of the book. Maybe in the Preface, but it’s certainly not in the main text. As much as I despite some of these other franchises, at least they don’t do that, make a movie that’s an afterthrought side-story to a film. Essentially, if I were comparing ‘Star Wars‘ to ‘WALL-E‘, ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story‘, is ‘BURN-E‘. Remember BURN-E, the robot who got caught outside the spaceship during a chase? Yeah, there’s a short film about him on the Special Edition DVDs, and it’s funny, and it takes place within the story of ‘WALL-E‘, but it’s not a major part of the story, and in fact, has nothing to really do with it, it’s just a fun little aside. That’s what this should be, and essentially it is, except why would you take the fun little aside, and turn it into a full movie? Yeah, call me a snob, but this movie’s f***ed on premise. If it wasn’t important enough to be included in the main story line of the franchise, than how am I supposed to care, if they don’t. Even ‘Star Trek‘ doesn’t screw this up,
But, they made the movie, let’s go through the exercise, so Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones), um, is our hero. She’s also the daughter of Galen Erso, who is the architect of the Death Star, and Alan Tudyk is the best robot in the entire franchise. There’s other interesting actors in ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story‘. Diego Luna, Ben Menhelsohn, Riz Ahmed, Forest Whitaker shows up to die, Jimmy Smits, apparently, I totally missed who he played, anyway, the Death Star is in use, and this group is trying to zoom in and sabotage the Death Star without getting destroyed and annihilated by it, and or any/all the ships and planets that get destroyed during this thing. I’m not trying to sound dismissive of the character, but honestly, they’re side characters to a more interesting story, but on top of that however, they’re not that memorable, and that seems to be the consensus from what I can tell.
I don’t particularly get engrossed in fantasy worlds under normal circumstances, and the events themselves, they’re shot well, they’re full of energy and action, but that’s it. That appears to be the norm with director Gareth Edwards, who has made three features now, the underrated debut ‘Monsters‘ which, was also was more interesting to experience as it shifted in tone and genres ’til it twisted it’s way to a thrilling conclusion. The other was ‘Godzilla‘, which is both a franchise I don’t care about, and one where the characters don’t matter, so, yeah, perfect for him, and of course, it was also boring as Hell. ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story‘ is somewhere in between these. He’s good at circumventing the genres, he’s not good with creating intriguing characters, or working within the strict lines of the genre, so, I’m tempted to give him a break here, he’s got some room to run, but he’s still handcuffed a bit by having to do a ‘Star Wars’ film. It is noticeable however that his background is in special effects, special effects for documentaries, especially. Some of the war scenes and battles are quite compelling, but overall, I don’t think the quality of the parts save the fact that it’s a whole that should not exist.
I’m David Baruffi, and I always, get the last word.